Friday, August 17, 2012

Cashing In On Hawk-isms

Ken "Hawk" Harrelson has been around baseball for fifty plus years, as he will inevitably mention at least three times a game. Lately, he has been pulling out catchphrases from all his broadcasting years. If he's not telling a story, Hawk might sound close to a jukebox. Push a button and there is a phrase for almost every situation.

Hawk is also pretty sly at seamlessly transitioning sponsors into the broadcast. Here's a radical idea to generate some extra income to use for free agents, waiver deals, trades and draft signings. Sponsor the Hawk's greatest hits.


That's a can of corn. This can of corn sponsored by Green Giant Whole Kernel Sweet Corn. If you have a can of corn, ho ho ho, make it Green Giant.

That's a chopper, two hopper. The Chopper Hopper can process almost any agricultural product like corn into a mash or puree for a variety of industrial uses, including ethanol production. The Chopper Hopper by the good folks at Moyno Inc.

Cinch it up and hunker down. Cinch-it, the revolutionary dog collar by Petnique. Inspired by the great outdoors for ultimate performance.

Oh, he got a cookie and couldn't do anything with it. For a cookie you can do something with, try Matt's Cookies. Traditionally delicious.

Dadgumit! Dad's Gum Care, for a comforting formulation for relief of symptoms associated with Gingivitis, Pyorrhea, Sore or Bleeding Gums that can be used by anyone, not just dads. Essential oils by Gritman.

Double barreled action in the bullpen. For double barreled action, Ugartechea, classic shotguns at a fraction of the cost.

We're down to our last bullet. When you're down to your last bullet, make it a Barnes Bullet. The leading lead free bullets provided to the hunting, military, and law enforcement industries.
There's a little duck snort. Brought to you by Aflac. I love that duck.

Ducks on the pond. When you have ducks on the pond, feed them Wonder Bread. America's favorite bread.

Get foul. It will! When you need to get fowl, get Brown's Chicken and Pasta. It tastes better.

That was a 1, 2, 5 double play, for those of you scoring at home. For those of you who are scoring at home, use Trojan brand latex condoms. America's #1 most trusted condom brand.

GAS! He gone! Gas-X. The trusted leader in gas relief.

Mercy! Mercy Hospital and Medical Center. For 150 years, a center of excellence.

Rack 'em up! Another double play turned by the Sox! When you have to rack 'em up, use Delta-13, the true triangle. The official billiard rack of the WPBA.

The Sox have something cooking here in the eighth. When you have some cooking to do, learn at Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts, right here in the city beautiful, Chicago.

Stretch! Get on back there! Stretch your dollar at Dollar Tree!

You can put it on the board! Yes! Yes to clear and more radiant skin. Yes To Tomatoes skin clearing facial mask. Yes!

As I wrote these, I could actually hear Harrelson shilling these products seamlessly into his jukebox of hits. It might be a great experiment of juxtaposition, but most importantly, it would provide some unexpected entertainment. There were more than a few of these that I had to chuckle at, hearing Hawk's voice rattle these off, if only just inside my head.

Maybe if Hawk becomes an advertising automaton, then Kenny Williams could stop complaining about lack of revenue for a tiny bit. I'm sure there are many more Hawk-isms that could be exploited by advertising.

4 comments:

Backstop Cards said...

Great post! Can I try one?

"He gone! And when that family member or loved one is gone from this earth, why not place them in an officially licensed MLB White Sox coffin? No better way to be pushing up daisies. Speaking of daisies, Tyler Flowers will lead off the next inning."

Jim from Downingtown said...

Wow, some wacky product commercials there.

Steve, I like your wallpaper (and spotted the '65 Moose and '69 Woodie Held). How about a '67 Smokey Burgess, complete with "cemetery" in the background?

White Sox Cards said...

Great one, Marcus! Love the transitions!

Jim, Smokey's cemetery card didn't make it on this one, but he should make it the next time the background changes.

Jeff Laws said...

Great post!

I heard Hawk saying them in my head as I read them too.

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