Friday, August 2, 2019

Card Spotlight: 8-2-19

1996 Stadium Club Megaheroes #1 - Frank Thomas

I really did not collect much past 1994 in the nineties. I will still run across cards that I will actively wonder "what were they thinking" or "who greenlit that?" all the time.

This takes a lovely picture of Frank Thomas in the end stages of his picture perfect swing and puts some unholy concoction of the looming steroid epidemic, Queen's News of the World album and America's love of fast food (seriously is that guy super jacked or super fat?) and rolls it up into some animated background from a Paula Abdul video. What is this mess staring seductively at Frank Thomas?

I can see this animator's nightmare putting on some Sade and whispering sweet nothings into the Big Hurt's ear, like, "You're going to publish a grilling cookbook after you're Hall of Fame career" or "Jay Mariotti wears the skirt, not you", while he attempts to either give Frank some weightlifting advice or prepare to devour him whole, like a snake. A cold hearted snake. See? He really does belong in a Paula Abdul video. And is that an eight-pack that he's sporting or is he about to nurse a farrow of piglets? This card is going to give me nightmares all weekend. I fear for Frank's safety.

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