Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Last One Standing Is Topps

Pop! They stole our baseball cards!

What are you blathering on about, Dean?

They stole our baseball cards right out of the hands of our future selves!

Boys, I don’t have time to deal with this right now. I have to finish this work today for some high ranking officials. I’ve been working on it for six years. Today is the final day and I need my concentration. Brock!

Yeah, Doc?

Would you be kind enough to do your job and look after the boys?

C’mon Hank. Dean. I’ll show you how to kill a man using only these two fingers.

No, Brock! They’re stealing our baseball cards!

Who’s stealing your baseball cards?

Upper Deck is!

Yeah, Upper Deck is!

Why would a company that makes cards go to all the trouble of stealing yours?

They’re not getting the license to show logos after this year.

They’re stealing our cards! I want to rip their faces off and show it to them!

Right. No one is stealing your cards, Hank. They just can’t show logos. They’re still making cards. They just have to get creative.

No one’s getting creative with me! I’ve got a reputation to protect!

Wait. I think I understand, Brock. I can see my favorite players, but they won’t have any clothes on.

No. That’s not it at all.


Why don’t you just go over there, for now. You’re not helping.

Doc’s right. Skedaddle.

What does he mean by that, Brock.



PREPARE FOR THE WRATH OF THE MONARCH!!! Release the butterflies!!

:::awkward pause:::

Alright. Who forgot to feed the frickin’ butterflies? That’s the last time I pick up henchmen along the border road. Really. There was supposed to be a deadly swarm surrounding everyone and chaos was supposed to ensue. Real hardcore stuff.

Who’s going to pay for that wall?! Insurance won’t cover that! You knocked over my files! Who’s going to clean that up?

You told me you were going to the bathroom. Now I find you arching? I told you no arching on our date nights!

I’m sorry dear.

Help Dr. Venture clean this mess up. I don’t know what got into him tonight. He was feeling frisky and full of life… I don’t know.

It’s OK.

Hey, pop? What’s this piece of paper mean?

I recognize those all of those names! There are… 104 different names.

104 names? What does that mean?

That… that… that’s nothing for you to see. It’s a top secret project I’ve been working on.

But those are…

Brock! You know what to do.

C’mon kids. Time for ice cream sundaes.

Oh boy, ice cream! Go team Venture!

Uh… yeah. Go team Venture. You boys go ahead. I’ll meet you there.

:::Turns to the Monarch:::

Hey. Can you do me a favor?

:::End credits:::

OK Doc, what do we do now?

It isn’t the first time. Sigh. Get their clothes.


Captain Canuck said...

pure awesomeness.

dinged corners said...

Haha! You rock.
Signed, Us

dayf said...

Henchman #21 mourns not only #24, but all the dough he dropped pre-ordering a case of 2010 Upper Deck.

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