Friday, October 30, 2009

Card Spotlight: 10-30-09

1988 Donruss Baseball's Best #249 - Ken Williams

And now it's time once again for Rookie Chiller Horror Theater!

This week, we take a look at the scariest baseball card ever created. The 1988 Donruss Baseball's Best card of Ken Williams! Ooooo, scary!

Take a gander at the spooky orange, red and black border. It's almost like a pumpkin was... massacred! Look at the wide-eyed innocence on the unsuspecting rookie. He has no idea that the best moments of his career... would be... on the bench! Uh, where he would get many painful splinters. And the trainer would have to get out these tiny tweezers and... owoooooooooo!!!! Scary!!

And all that time on the bench, when he was getting advice on how to run a club, little did he suspect that he was in danger... of getting hemorrhoids!! Owooooooooooooo!!!! Those little dickens really hurt!!

I bet you kids are really scared now!! Heh, heh, heh. But I haven't told you the scariest part, yet. When his playing career was over in 1991, he was a lifetime .218 hitter. Owww!! Owww!! Owwoooooooooooo!!!! Heh, heh, heh.

That wasn't scary enough for you? Uh. Well, that uniform he was wearing wasn't washed in a recommended detergent, so it became itchy. You know that kind of itchy that feels like a million tiny bugs are crawling all over your skin? Yeah, that's the kind of itching he had. And when he tried to scratch it, his skin became more and more irritated. The more he scratched, the more it itched. Until one day, it became so bad that he, uh he... had to see a dermatologist. And he had to get expensive chunky cream that he had to smear over the itchy parts. And it, it smelled bad! And, and he didn't like applying it too much! Uh, because... because it smelled real bad!

Uh, hmmmm. Uh, look kids! The card has Halloween colors! Oooo, scary!!

Oh, go suck a cork, kid! Uh. Heh, heh heh. Join us next time on Rookie Chiller Horror Theater, when we'll have... uh, something scary!! Owww!! Owww!! Owwwoooooooooooooo! (cough, cough, cough) Owwwoooooooo!!!!


dayf said...

dammit, I need to be studying and now I'm googling YouTube for Count Floyd!

Steve Gierman said...

Then my post was successful! =)

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