Predictions

I feel well enough to play Carnac for the 2009 MLB season.

"A roper, a doper and a soaper".

"A roper! A doper! And a soaper"!

:::Carnac gives annoying sidekick a glare:::


Carnac opens the envelope and blows into it, revealing a slip of paper inside.

"What you get when a critic and Barry Bonds both visit Ozzie Guillen".

Yes, I know that was bad. It prepares you for what lies ahead.

MLB Predictions 2009!

AL East
1. Red Sox
2. Rays
3. Yankees
4. Orioles
5. Blue Jays

I think that the Red Sox will win by default. The arms race in the AL East will cause the teams in that division to beat up on each other. The key will be in who does better away from the division. The Rays will be good enough for second place. The Yankees run a close third. The Orioles will improve their record, but not be able to slip past the Yankees. The Blue Jays will collapse this year.

AL Central
1. White Sox
2. Royals
3. Twins
4. Indians
5. Tigers

The White Sox will repeat as the AL Central winners. The Royals talent finally cashes the checks they've been trying to write. The Twins start slow, but come on strong near the end. The Indians will be close enough to first to taste it, but will settle for fourth in a close race. The Tigers will be a mess this year, with flashes of brilliance.

AL West
1. Athletics
2. Rangers
3. Angels
4. Mariners

The Athletics found the right combination of talent and youth to win the division. The Rangers live up to their reputation at the plate, but the pitching will fail them into second. The Angels have lost too much. The Mariners cannot be helped by aging hipsters.

AL Wild Card
Royals

The Royals will surprise people this year. They will win just enough to make the Wild Card.

NL East
1. Braves
2. Marlins
3. Phillies
4. Mets
5. Nationals

The Braves will be back to their winning ways. The Marlins will surprise people this year. The Phillies will unfortunately slip a bit in the standings, but make a good run. The Mets will start strong, but fade towards the end. The Nationals will try.

NL Central
1. Reds
2. Cubs
3. Cardinals
4. Pirates
5. Brewers
6. Astros

The Reds will have the right combination of youth and talent to win again. The veterans that were holding them back are gone. The Cubs won't have enough left in the tank to win. Blame Fukudome and Soriano. The Cardinals will almost catch the Cubs. The Pirates will make great strides this season. The Brewers will be going down the slide into cheese heaven. The Astros won't be piecing it together this season.

NL West
1. Dodgers
2. Diamondbacks
3. Giants
4. Rockies
5. Padres

The Dodgers will run away with the NL West. The D'Backs will start slow and finish strong. The Giants will find their rhythm after the All-Star break. The Rockies will follow the Tigers route. The Padres will play this season.

NL Wild Card
Marlins

The Marlins will edge out the Cubs by one game for the Wild Card.

There will be no predictions for the postseason. Once a team reaches that point, throw the rule book out the window. It will do you no good.

For those of you scratching your head over the Carnac answer. Richard Roeper (who is a die hard White Sox fan) was Roger Ebert's partner as a movie critic. Barry Bonds is self explanatory. Some people believe that Ozzie Guillen's mouth should be washed out with soap.